


To See It All

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec has problems with self worth, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brothers, Bullying, Childhood Memories, Jace is just trying to be a good parabatai, M/M, Malec, Self Confidence Issues, a view of Alec's life from Jace's POV, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2399720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why is it," Jace questions softly, cleaning the cuts on Alec's face with an almost tender gentleness. "That you always find the strength to stand up for others and yet when it comes to yourself you do nothing?"<br/>Alec smiles, slow and secret and sad. "The difference is, I'm not worth it."<br/>The blonde's heart breaks just a little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To See It All

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too happy with the way this flows because I feel like it's too abrupt but I hope you enjoy it anyways :)

Alec has a problem with self worth. This, Jace learned very early on. It took a little while to put together the pieces, to take each snapshot of a bruised boy with blue eyes like shattered glass and form them into a whole, but in the end he managed, staring into the bleak and depressing truth that Alexander Lightwood did not think himself worthy of being saved or spared pain.  
So, at age twelve he had asked to be parabatai, and when a tired looking Alec had said yes, that he needed someone to look after him, Jace had thought silently that the other male was no different.  
He was okay with fighting someone else's demons.

* * *

They don't get many visitors, but the ones who do come are far from the company Jace would keep. The other children are privileged, with hands that seem to cover everything they touch with a stickiness that refuses to come off, no matter how hard you scrub.  
He entertains the thought of ignoring that, just so he can amuse himself with their reactions when he does something disapproved of, but then he sees Alec on the ground and struggling to get back a rather large and old looking book, carelessly stepped on by an arrogant foot.  
Jace doesn't like bullies. Especially not when they're tormenting what little family he has.  
He matches the bruises on Alec's arms to the visiting boy's face and takes a vicious pleasure in sending him to the floor, handing the still intact book back to his parabatai.  
The visitors dwindle to none.

* * *

Alec has fire. Jace has witnessed it, time and time again. He has a wild protectiveness inside, something that drives the normally quiet and withdrawn boy to raising his voice and standing tall for others, so the blonde really can't understand why he can't find the will to have that strength when it comes to himself.  
They're Shadowhunters, built to take hits and fight battles, yes, but they're also taught to win those same battles. They are not victims, do not cower and allow themselves to be bullied and hit into submission, and he knows that Alec will never break under the pathetic attempts of others who try to bruise his skin.  
It is not pain that wounds his parabatai, it is words, and Jace is ever so careful with his own most times. He is hard and stubborn and doesn't listen, but he is not cruel, not to Alec. Not to the boy who helped lead him out of the dark, eyes like lamps that lit the path back to humanity when he'd been in danger of slipping into the shadows forever.  
Alec had saved him, even if he didn't know it, didn't think it, and Jace was determined to return the favor.

* * *

He is sixteen when Jace realizes that life has perhaps been even harder on the blue eyed male who walks in his shadow. He's seen the way Alec looks at male's instead of female's, has realized, with a sinking heart that his parabatai has a rougher road ahead than he had thought. The Clave is not forgiving, is not accepting of that which is different, and Alec with his shy smiles and hesitance is all too different.  
But still, Jace does his best to keep him safe.

* * *

Alec doesn't hold the prejudices that most others hold. So when he sees a small werewolf girl being backed into a corner across the club, looking scared and about to cry, Jace is not surprised by the fight that follows.  
The older male is too kind to others and not enough to himself. He gives away his heart and leaves little for himself.  
Later, as he's cleaning the wounds on his parabatai's face, the blonde voice's the question that's haunted him for so long.  
"Why is it," Jace questions softly, cleaning the cuts on Alec's face with an almost tender gentleness. "That you always find the strength to stand up for others and yet when it comes to yourself you do nothing?"  
Alec smiles, slow and secret and sad. "The difference is, I'm not worth it."  
The blonde's heart breaks just a little.

* * *

They are sucked into a battle that'd been coming since before they were born, a girl with hair the color of flame and a boy who would soon become the first vampire to walk under the sun at their sides. They are not yet a family, not yet whole, and Jace is still worrying about the bruises that had marked Alec's chest a few days ago when a Warlock dressed in rainbow leather and glitter takes control of a vampire and makes his parabatai laugh.  
He doesn't miss the way Alec seems to actually consider his offer to call him.

* * *

Alec nearly dies for him far too often, and Jace knows that when the day comes that he sends his parabatai to his death, the blonde will never forgive himself.  
But maybe, he thinks, the high warlock of Brooklyn will be able to save his brother where he could not.

* * *

It does not take long for everything to fall apart.  
Does not take long for Magnus to break Alec's heart.  
Jace wants to break something in turn.

* * *

They are racing against a clock that may not even still be ticking, in a demon world and chasing a crazed killer, when he finally tells Alec the things he should have told him years ago and the other male smiles and thanks him for seeing him.  
I always saw you, he thinks distantly, watching him walk away. Always.

* * *

He is seventeen and watching his parabatai dance with a four hundred year old Warlock who'd nearly died to save them all.  
His fingers dart across the piano, sending sweet strains of music through the air as he shares their smiles, content and at peace as he listens to the happy murmur of his family.  
It has been a year and no bruises have marked Alec's skin other than those made by demon's. A fire burns in blue eyes made of shattered glass and Jace knows that his parabatai is no victim. Not anymore.  
A gleam of gold catches his eye and his smile both widens and softens at the bands that mark the two male's ring fingers.  
Alec was safe, his demons slain and Jace had watched it all.  
The big picture didn't look so bleak after all.


End file.
